Last week I spent 5 days at the beautiful Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for a life coaching training.
The weeks prior had me feeling stalled in my virtual assistance business, no longer excited about offering that kind of work and feeling nudged pretty strongly to take a risk and finally believe in my ability to create a beautifully abundant business helping other women realize their true potential.
In those 5 days away from reality and the (self-imposed) pressure of my normal life, I realized my virtual support business was created from fear and the familiar 10 years’ experience I had as an Executive Assistant / Office Manager for various companies as my “day job” while I taught yoga on the side, went on auditions or saved up to take more yoga therapy trainings.
I realized the relationship partners I attracted also reflected this pattern of fear – everyone I pulled in was unsatisfied on some level with the work they were doing, felt stuck and dove head first into a relationship to create excitement and blind them from the stagnation from their own lives.
Just like I was doing.
I realized after taking an inventory of my own life that a key area I was lacking in was having fun.
And creating meaningful work while attracting an abundant income.
And could I possibly make that process FUN?
And that I was using my virtual support business and a series of unhealthy relationships as a way of sabotaging myself from doing the big, scary work of creating an authentic business based on helping people transform their lives.
One of my teachers at Kripalu mentioned on the last day, that our work doesn’t stop when we officially check out and head back to the airport. And encouraged us to be aware, breathe and relax as we integrate back into our real lives after inhabiting such a tender space of reflection in the beautiful Berkshire mountains.
Self Sabotage Taught Me:
To soften into what is – even when (especially when) it’s uncomfortable as hell, painful and beyond anxiety provoking.
And that eventually by leaning into – rather than avoiding or numbing the discomfort – the moment would pass.
My integration (AKA real world TEST) came when I picked up my kitties from being boarded at my vet while away.
My 16 year old Owen has chronic renal failure and needs special care while I’m away. I wasn’t aware that while away the boarding staff had been giving him a sedative to help him calm down so they could give him his daily medications.
I also wasn’t aware that he’s particularly sensitive to this medication. Apparently neither were the vet technicians. And my last few days of being back were spent in a flurry of angst, worry and anger at the boarding staff while I’ve nursed him back to health.
I learned that meditation and mindfulness don’t make all the bad feelings go away – or suddenly shield you from feeling “thrown” when life throws you a hand grenade of a triggering situation.
I learned that there’s beauty in feeling all the feelings, leaning all the way into uncertainty and riding the emotional “wave”.
Even when it’s scary as hell.