One major reason why you’ve been processing your feelings in talk therapy…
But still struggle with daily anxiety, trusting yourself or ruminating about an Ex…
Or still end up dating and staying too long with emotionally unavailable men…
Or worse…shut off dating entirely because you don’t trust yourself, constantly overanalyze things or have daily anxiety…
Or…fell for someone WORSE than your Ex…
Is because VERY OFTEN the reason behind your patterns in love (and chronic anxiety – over analyzing) is complex TRAUMA.
And mounting research shows talk therapy, specifically CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) is ineffective for healing complex trauma.
Specifically, the type of patterning in RELATIONSHIPS that causes you to people-please, ignore your intuition….CHRONICALLY…
Care take underachieving partners, seriously doubt your own judgment…and ultimately feel like an outsider.
WHY is this?
A few key reasons:
Talking About a Narcissistic Ex Doesn’t Heal Trauma
Retelling a story of what your Ex did to you in therapy, gives you a shot of dopamine.
A highly addictive bio-chemical.
It also re-fires and re-wires the same trauma circuits in your brain.
SO…it feels good in the moment to get it off your chest (dopamine).
But when you walk out of your therapist’s office, your deeper brain wiring is still more or less, the same.
People with complex trauma are also more likely to struggle with daily anxiety, self-doubt…and ignoring their intuition in favor of being “liked” by someone else.
This is because the amygdala (fight or flight center) in their brain is OVERACTIVE.
On brain scans it’s actually larger, because it’s being used MORE than necessary.
So when you talk about the past, your brain simply fires and re-wires those circuits that KEEP YOUR fight or flight center overactive.
Yes, it feels good to VENT (dopamine).
But again, nothing really changes in your brain wiring.
Talk Therapy May Be Too Surfacy or Logical
Talk therapy can often be too surfacy and logical.
Whereas trauma and your relationship patterns are stored deep in your body as repressed emotions, memories and memorized emotional responses.
And deep in your subconscious mind as “programmed” belief systems.
TWO areas that talk therapy generally don’t focus on.
The Therapist May Not Be Trained in Complex Trauma
Nearly 80% of complex trauma cases are misdiagnosed as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.
I was speaking with a well-educated therapist recently about helping her heal her own complex trauma and relationship patterns…
When she admitted, she herself didn’t know much about complex trauma at all. (This is coming from a licensed clinician who treats patients.)
What Does Work for Healing Complex Trauma?
- Using a somatic (AKA mind-body) method
2. Daily PRACTICE and TRAINING to heal your brain and nervous system from trauma programming…
Somatic therapy is one of several, proven-research backed methods for specifically healing complex trauma –
The type that happens in relationships…
And continues to DERAIL your relationships.
Somatic therapy might include meditation, body scans, guided self-inquiry with the therapist, breathwork and trauma-sensitive yoga or exploratory movement.
These things combined create heart and brain coherence. Basically smooth, calm brain wave frequencies.
And smooth, calm feelings in your body.
Which, when practiced DAILY and consistently, rewires your brain out of trauma programming, anxiety, self doubt and trust issues…
And INTO empowered living, choice-making, CONFIDENCE and healthy, fulfilling relationships.
This means you no longer agonize (daily) about whether something’s wrong with you.
You no longer constantly question yourself and silence your intuition because you’re afraid of failure. Or actually being successful.
You wake up in peace every day. Not ruminating about your Ex.
You set boundaries quickly instead of people-pleasing and working an extra 20 hours this week.
You speak up during conflict and advocate for your needs when you date again, instead of burying your head in the sand and hoping for the best.
You BELIEVE IN YOUR OWN POTENTIAL.
Instead of believing in a partner’s potential, hoping he’ll change and losing yourself in the process.
You emanate and radiate a love for life, a love for yourself, TRUST AND CONFIDENCE.
Instead of coming home to an empty house and feeling deeply lonely…and then finding some busy-work or pouring yourself a bottle of wine to deal with it…
You feel IMMENSE GRATITUDE and appreciation for your life.
And this is what leads to healthy love in the future and ENDS your pervasive lifelong pattern of Mr. Wrong.
Somatic therapy and healing complex trauma is the cornerstone of my work with clients.
We also do deep work on creating a healthy, success-oriented mindset, communication strategies, boundary setting, goal-getting and when she’s ready…
Dating again with confidence, ease, an open heart and MASSIVE SELF-TRUST.
If you know you need deeper work than what you’re getting in talk therapy…
If you know you’ve been in therapy for years…and that’s not translating to healthy relationships… or it’s getting WORSE…
If you know your trauma-induced self-sabotage is holding you back in other life areas (like your career, feeling emotionally present for your kids)…
We’re here to help.
Book a free breakthrough call (www.bethanydotson.com/talk) and we’ll see if we can help you overcome a lifetime pattern that’s derailed your relationships and your livelihood.
Women best positioned for this work are:
- 100% single and done with an Ex.
- Established and successful in other life areas, such as her career
- Have previously invested in talk therapy, but plateaued or are not seeing lasting changes in their love lives.