A few weeks ago, I said goodbye to my 22-year-old cat, Helena…

And unexpectedly, losing her taught me something profound about healing from narcissistic abuse, heartbreak, betrayal, and the way we protect ourselves from future pain.

During the final years of Helena’s life, I became increasingly focused on controlling my environment so I could keep her safe and comfortable.

I stopped traveling.

I avoided being away from home for too long.

I became hyper-focused on preventing anything from going wrong.

And then I realized: Isn’t this what we often do after an emotionally abusive relationship? 👀

We leave the relationship physically, but our nervous system can continue organizing our lives around preventing loss.

We stop dating because we’re afraid of choosing poorly again.

We research narcissistic traits and attachment styles because understanding someone else’s behavior gives us a sense of control.

We pour ourselves into our careers because achievement feels safer than vulnerability.

We tell ourselves we’re “protecting our peace” when we’re actually protecting ourselves from uncertainty, rejection, abandonment, disappointment – and very often, the love we “say” we want.

The result?

Our lives can become very safe.

Very controlled.

And very small.

In this episode, I explore what Helena’s death taught me about living without regret, trusting our inner knowing, making decisions instead of remaining trapped in “I don’t know,” and developing the emotional capacity to experience disappointment without allowing it to derail our lives.

Healing isn’t about creating a life where nothing painful ever happens.

It’s about developing the capacity to experience life’s inevitable uncertainty, rejection, grief, disappointment and vulnerability, without abandoning yourself.

 And perhaps the biggest question is this:  Are you waiting for certainty before you start living again?

If you’ve healed from narcissistic abuse but still feel stuck in your career, relationships, dating life or personal life, even though you’ve done years of therapy and understand your patterns…this episode is for you.

I’ll also share why betrayal, emotional abuse and heartache are opportunities to develop greater emotional capacity, reconnect with our intuition, and stop organizing our lives around loss prevention.